Sam almost lost her arm

posted February 01

I was watching “Bobby Flay Throwdown” on the Food Network (please don’t make fun of me), when my Mom paused for a second because we began to hear noises upstairs. Now being 12:40 at night, yeah, there were some concerns.

We sat quiet for a minute and I began to hear what SOUNDED like Hassan and Ali wrestling over an x-box game, but really turned out to be Sam screaming. I heard her yell out,

“OMG I MIGHT BE PARALYZED! OMG OWWW OMGGGG“

Immediately I ditched Bobby Flay and cried away the loss of seeing those really good pancakes he was making (damnit Sam, you made me miss this) and sprinted up the stairs. I saw Sam’s door slam shut and I discovered she had locked her door.

“OPEN UP RIGHT NOW!!!” I yelled. This chick is crazy. WHO THE HELL LOCKS THEIR DOOR IN THESE SITUATIONS??? Suicide mission? Nah. Sam can’t even kill a cockroach. No really, she can’t. I think the cockroach would kill her before she killed anything at all.
The door unlocks and I open up only to find Sam looking in her mirror at her elbow.

No blood, thank god. Well since there is no blood what is the hold up? There are no pills, guns, and I don’t see any dead hands coming out of the closet. There is a bag of salted cashews, some video on getting abs and half of Mel’s clothes.

“What happened???”
“OMG I HIT MY FUNNY BONE AND NOW I CANT FEEL MY FINGERS OMG IT HURTS SO BAD I THINK I DAMAGED A NERVE!!!“ Picture this with short sobs and pants in between every word. I take a look at Sam’s arm. Now she works at the hospital and knows this stuff, but you know what she doesn’t have that I don’t? You know besides all those hours of experience in the emergency room and studying those cute little skeletons? Common sense.

“Sam I don’t think you damaged your nerve, just wait a little you’ll be able to feel it again. You’ll be fine.”
“OMG no my electrosis is hurting my ……“ And at this moment Sam goes off on her ‘use the literal 10-letter bone term for simple things like CHEEK or KNEE’ tirade. I just kinda laughed it off. She’s a funny binnit. (binnit = girl in arabic)

In the middle this I realized that she had Jason Derulo’s “whatcha say” playing in the background. I told her that this music was really bad for the mood right now so I went and put that on pause.
At this time I thought Sam had cracked her spine or something but no she was chillin in a mirror crying screaming listening to Jason Derulo with her french manicured nails all behind a locked door. Oh yeah that’s always safe! Scream out OMG IM PARALYZED!! and then lock your door. We gave her some ice and then we watched this really funny video on youtube and um, now all is well. Sam can feel her arm now. Yay!

I love Sam. She needs her own show.

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