Most recent resource information will go here. Swimchick is under construction as of Dec 25th and will be finished....soon? Just keep checking back ;)Weak and Light
When I came home today my Mom kept asking me what was wrong. I just told her that my teacher looked at my stuff and said I needed to work on my portfolio. She knew there was more to that, but I didn’t want to say.
The truth is that I think I’ve never felt so disheartened before….and the worst part is this is about my work that’s supposed to get me a job, that’s supposed to help provide me with a better life….and now I feel like that dream is disappearing.
It’s not that I didn’t agree with my teacher, because in fact I had nothing to disagree with. He’s absolutely right. It’s just…maybe I was more confident in my work than I should have been. I really thought maybe I had something good, but everything was just kind of a disaster. I didn’t organize the work according to the email he had sent (I resent to check my school email. I’ve checked it like 5 times the whole 4 years I’ve been there, I hate pulling it up) so that was a mess, and on top of that he advised me not to use any personal work in my portfolio because I didn’t want to be taken as a ‘designing stylist’….but the thing is, the personal designs made up half my portfolio.
He did point out that I had some good pieces I could re-work, but overall my content (in terms of what I brought to show him) was weak and light. I was really disappointed in myself. I felt embarrassed. I knew that I hadn’t taken everything seriously up til now. But I cut myself some slack because only I know what I deal with and my personal and work life has weighed heavily on my ability to do well in college. I know it’s something we all deal with, but for me it’s just been a bad experience. It got me, too.
For most students after school they go home and are able to work on projects and such…but for me, finishing a project at home in peace (to my 10000% efforts) is almost impossible. There’s always some fight going on, yelling, drama, distraction, people coming over, mom asks me to get something, someone needs help, look what’s on the news, hey there’s a squirrel eating a cinnabun in the backyard, look here’s mail…..you just can’t do any work! Nothing gets done. I’ve always resorted to staying up at night to finish my things but even then it never comes up completely perfect. I hate going to libraries or coffee shops, I build up extreme anxiety when I know or suspect people are watching me work on something or use my computer, so I tend to make sure that the area I’m working in is “in the clear”. I’m not trying to justify the fact that my work isn’t where it should be, because I’m at fault for that. But I wish the circumstances were different.
I’d rather drown everything out by watching a show and forgetting everything instead of having to use my brain and be creative while everyone is yelling about something upstairs or there’s a fight going on. It’s so much easier to be like “eff this” and just put on some old show I used to watch and pretend that I’m still young and relative to this life instead of now (in my mind) old and useless and will never have anything else to do but work like a slave to get money so I can pay bills and the never ending cycle that will ultimately destroy me.
It’s not that when I’m at home they MEAN to call me and distract me 24/7, but it’s just what happens. Whenever there is drama or an argument I get really nervous and sometimes it affects my mood, which affects my motivation to work. I give up in general. I’m always giving up because I can’t see past what I have now, and I certainly don’t like what I have now. I literally feel like I’m failing slowly and painfully and it’s going to be absolutely horrible, yet there’s no way to stop it.
Name's Jessica Kobeissi. I'm 22, Lebanese, Muslim, awesome & live in Detroit. I'm an artist - but I can't draw. I'm a Graphic Design major.
I know exactly how you feel. sometimes the smallest pressure is enough to ruin the mood and motivation to harvest our creativity. as advice i can say that you should trust and be confident about your creativity and talent, but avoid getting ahead of yourself. sometimes, all you need is to release this pressure cloud above you, not just avoid it. passive but straight-forward confrontation may be the solution. by the way, love your graphics, swim-chick is DEFINITELY a top-favorite and a huge inspiration. can’t wait to see swimchick working 100% again, your textures would help me A LOT right now. bye!
anon posted this January 18 * #